When you die, God and the angels will hold you
accountable for all the pleasures you were allowed in life that you denied
yourself. ~Anonymous
My mom died last fall.
I sat by her hospital bed for a week as she lay dying. It
being the south, all manner of relatives, blood and otherwise, streamed in and
out of the hospital room and told long stories about Mama's life. My sisters
and brother and I laughed buckets and cried rivers. The wonderful pleasures of
drawn out southern tales, uninhibited laughter of aunts and cousins, and
platters of fried chicken rose from the same deep life spring as the grief for
my mom dying hour by hour in her white gown.
Since then, my own horizon of mortality—knowing that someday
that will be me letting go of this sweet life—has loomed large in my mind's
eye. The nearness of that horizon, whether measured in weeks or years or
decades, hits me more in my fifties than it could have even 10 years ago.
I've thought often of that quote about being held
accountable for pleasures denied. What luscious delights (that angels would
gleefully incarnate for) have I tossed aside in my impatience to get stuff
done?
In the bittersweet aching for my mom, I realize that this
life is the one I've been given. This is it! This is it! In honor of her life,
and mine, I stop now to relish the crisp delights of my afternoon Fuji apple,
the sensual pleasure of my breasts rising and falling with my breath, the evening
light shafting through the Japanese maples in the back garden, the scent of my
husband when he leans over to kiss me.
And so, lovely and luscious women, I open my arms to welcome
you as sisters on the journey! This full-bodied journey of awakening to the
deep pleasures of life: pleasures that liberate us from lives far too tight and
small for our spirits; pleasures that open us wide to what makes life
meaningful and right. Pleasures that nourish our bodies and sustain our souls
and, from that fullness, free us to give back to this sweet and achingly
transient world.
I invite you to honor your own delicious pleasure, not as
"self-care" or "self-improvement," but as light, water, and
oxygen for your body and soul. I invite you to allow delight to heat up your
own love and wisdom and ignite your passionate care for the world and for those
around you.
What if authentic pleasure was neither detour nor
distraction, but the royal road to your own heart and body and soul and spirit?
What if your pleasures were a blessing, a mitzvah, for your own life and the
life of everything and everyone around you?
What could you do, what could you offer, if you were lit up
from within by the delights of your own body and soul?
When you meet your Maker and Source, what unsung pleasures
will you have to account for?
Why not sing them into being now?
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